What if It's One of You I Hurt Next Time?
by JediVulcan
Summary: Set during the Marauders' fifth year at Hogwarts. Remus wakes up after the full moon and finds that he managed to gives his friends the slip. How will they react when he tells them it's too dangerous for him to leave the shack with them again?


Sixteen-year-old Remus Lupin limped back along the hidden passage, his joints and his side still aching from his most recent transformation. He stopped, panting slightly, and leaned against the dirt wall, his hand pressed hard to his side, taking a few deep breaths in an attempt to banish the pain. He let his head rest against the wall, only to pull back with a sharp exhale of breath at the stinging that flared up across his scalp. Wincing, he gingerly touched the new cut. His hair was wet and sticky with blood, some of which came away on his fingers. Here was yet another scar to add to his list of self-inflicted injuries.

Allowing himself to slide down the tunnel wall, Remus sat at the bottom with his face cradled in his hands. Perhaps he should wait for Madam Pomfrey. Tonight had been particularly rough.

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><p>Glancing up at the sky one last time to make sure that the full moon had completely vanished, Poppy Pomfrey hurried towards the Whomping Willow. Using a long stick to prod the knot on its trunk and freeze the tree, she climbed carefully down into the subterranean gloom of the tunnel. She raised her wand, muttering a spell under her breath. A pale white light began to glow at the tip of the wand, illuminating the uneven passageway ahead.<p>

A few minutes of walking later, she turned a corner in the passage and saw the boy slumped against the wall, his face in his hands. Her breath caught in her throat. What if he was...? And then he slowly lifted his head and she gasped out loud.

The pale wand light illuminated the boy's face, throwing the scars across his face and the hollows of his eyes into sharp relief. He looked pained and exhausted; the harrowing transformation from boy to wolf clearly having taken its toll.

Shaking off her momentary paralysis, Madam Pomfrey reached down to help Lupin to his feet. Hauling him up, she draped his arm over her shoulders. This wasn't made easy by the fact that the teenager was taller than she was.

"Come on. Let's get you back up to the castle where I can take a proper look at you."

* * *

><p>Sitting up in his bed in the hospital wing, Remus glanced up as his keen senses picked up someone in the corridor outside. <em>One of the few perks of being a werewolf<em>, he thought ruefully. _I can hear those idiots coming from halfway across the castle._

Several seconds later, James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew all burst into the room. Madam Pomfrey dashed out of her office, relaxing when she saw that it was only Remus's friends. As she disappeared again, Remus smiled weakly as his friends surrounded his bed.

"You had us worried there for a bit, mate," Sirius said, a rarely seen look of concern on his dark features. "What were you thinking, giving us the slip like that?" Remus frowned at his friend.

"That is kind of the whole point, Padfoot. When I'm in wolf form, I _don't_ think. I can barely remember what happens during the full moon. I just wake up in the shack with the souvenirs." At this, he indicated the bandages around his side and the dressing on the side of his head. "What did happen, anyway? I don't usually get as bad as this." James and Sirius exchanged glances. Peter looked a little pale, as if he hadn't fully recovered from the excitement of the previous night. Remus understood exactly how he felt. While it wasn't exactly a picnic being a teenaged werewolf, it was probably equally stressful being a werewolf's friend.

"We nearly lost you, Moony," said James, uncharacteristically serious. "You were halfway into the forest by the time we caught up. When we found you, you were snarling and scratching at yourself. It was all we could do to keep you from doing yourself serious damage. As it was, we almost couldn't get you back through the willow passage. Peter was almost wetting himself when we finally got out of there, weren't you Wormtail?"

"Was not!" Peter spluttered indignantly. Although Remus could see that James was trying to cheer him up, it wasn't much of a laughing matter. What had happened that caused him to start hurting himself again, and why had he run off? He was just as scared as Peter, and he was only hearing about what had happened second hand. What if he had bitten someone by accident when he gave his friends the slip? The consequences didn't bare thinking about.

Remus was just about to ask his friends if anything had happened that might account for his strange behaviour when Madam Pomfrey bustled back in carrying a bottle of her pepper-up potion.

"Alright, Mr Lupin, if you'll just take this you can be free to go. I trust you gentlemen know not to excite him too much? If I find him back in here again this weekend, I'll know exactly who to blame!" This caused the other Marauders to shake their heads vigorously, giving a chorus of "_No ma'am_," and "_We'll be careful._"

"Now, if you'll kindly wait outside, Mr Lupin will be out momentarily. I want to give him one last check over before I release him into your tender care." Raising an eyebrow as if to say, _I'm waiting_, Madam Pomfrey watched as the three boys exited the hospital wing. "All right, Mr Lupin. Drink this and I'll just check on those cuts again."

Remus flinched as the bandage covering his side disappeared, exposing them to the cool air of the ward. He glanced down, immediately wished he hadn't and quickly took a gulp of the pepper-up potion to cover his rather large flinch. They were much worse than he had expected. Three parallel gashes cut diagonally across his left side, reaching all the way to his bony ribs. Like all werewolf inflicted injuries, it was unlikely that they would ever completely heal. He was just fortunate that the scratches were not too deep, other wise he could have been in serious trouble.

He gulped the last of the pepper-up potion as Madam Pomfrey removed the dressing from the side of his head. He felt her wand brush against his scalp as she siphoned away any dried blood. Remus ran a hand gingerly through his hair, feeling the raised line that was all that was left of the head wound, which had luckily been largely superficial. With his head wound dealt with, Madam Pomfrey gestured with her wand and bandages reappeared, wrapping themselves around the gashes in his side.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, very grateful to Madam Pomfrey's skills in pain relief, he reached for the pile of clothes that was sitting on the bedside table. Madam Pomfrey withdrew and pulled the curtains around the bed, allowing Remus to get changed in privacy. As he pulled off his pyjama shirt, he looked down at the barely healed scars that traced pale lines across his arms and chest. He grimaced and pulled the clean shirt on, hoping that out of sight might equate to out of mind.

Madam Pomfrey reappeared as soon as Remus pulled back the curtain.

"I really mean it this time Mr Lupin. I don't want to see you back here until at least next month and I don't care if it means you can't join in whatever your friends are up to. Carry on like this you'll have to do your classes sitting in a bed in here." With this, she walked off. Remus took this as his signal to leave and gingerly approached the door, gritting his teeth against the twinges in his side. _The first few days are always the worst_, he told himself. _They'll stop hurting soon_.

* * *

><p>James Potter turned at the sound of the opening door and saw his friend Remus walking towards him, limping slightly. He felt a twinge of guilt. <em>If only we'd been a little bit faster, caught up with his a little sooner...<em>

Remus looked terrible. His face was pale and drawn, making the thin scars that crossed it stand out more than usual. He was walking with a slight limp and he looked even thinner, if that were even possible. The full moon had really taken a lot out of him.

Despite this, Remus still smiled weakly at the sight of his friends.

"Blimey, Moony, you look like you're about to keel over!" Sirius said, tactless as always. The only indication that he was feeling guilty was that he didn't slap Remus on the back like he usually did. Instead, he hooked an arm around the werewolf's neck and ruffled his hair like one would do to a younger brother, a move guaranteed to lighten the mood. Remus disengaged himself, laughing, although James couldn't help but notice the slight flinch and the stiffness in his gangly friend's movement. He had hurt himself badly this time.

"Just you wait, Padfoot," Remus was laughing. "I'll get you back for that." James joined in, glad to see that his friend was laughing despite the pain.

"No! Not Remus Lupin, the responsible prefect! I thought he was above such immature things as revenge!" Peter giggled at this, clearly much happier now that his friends were happy again.

"Oh, don't worry, Prongs. This prefect plans to show you exactly how inspired the revenge of a responsible member of the school community can be!" A flicker of pain crossed Remus's face and James watched as his hand leapt to his side, only to be pulled away just as fast. He obviously didn't want his friends to see the extent of his injuries. "Actually, that revenge had better wait. I could really do with something to eat. I suppose I've missed breakfast?" _Nice try Remus, but you're not distracting me that easily._

"When has that ever stopped us before?" James didn't think Remus was up for a trip all the way down to the great hall and breakfast was long gone as he had said, so he smoothly switched to his usual backup plan. "Padfoot, Wormtail, do you think you could go and retrieve some breakfast from the kitchens for our wolfish friend?"

"Oh, if I must," Sirius sighed; making out that this was such a hardship. He then grinned wickedly at James before walking back off down the corridor, the ever eager Peter scurrying along in his wake.

"Come on Remus; let's get you to the dormitory. You look like you really need a rest." As Remus opened his mouth to protest, James gave him a look. "There's no use trying to pretend you're all right. We all saw the holes you tore in yourself last night and I saw you flinch when Sirius grabbed you."

"Alright, you win James. I'll do it your way." And with this, the gangly teenaged werewolf walked off down the corridor, clearly trying very hard not to limp. A smile formed on James's face. Mild-mannered, friendly Remus Lupin had a stubborn streak about a mile wide. And James knew his friend well enough to hear the unspoken "_but I don't have to like it_."

* * *

><p>Having survived the journey up to the Gryffindor common room and the dormitories beyond, Remus collapsed onto his bed, nearly dislodging a drift of books as he did so. Pulling his copy of <em>Hogwarts: A History<em> out from under his shoulder, he lay there for a few seconds and stared up at the canopy of his four-poster. His enhanced senses picked up the rustle of James's clothing as he moved across the room and the creaking of the springs when James sat down on his own bed.

Remus sat up and pulled his legs into his chest, resting his forehead on his knees. Luckily for his dignity, most of the other Gryffindors were outside enjoying the summer weather. There had been no one in the common room to see how awkward his movements had been as he folded himself through the portrait hole. No one to see the hand pressed to his side as he struggled to climb the stairs without wincing. Well, no one except James. That was alright, though. James fortunately understood that there were some lines he should not cross when it came to teasing a testy, achy werewolf.

After a few minutes, Sirius and Peter came bursting into the dormitory laden with Remus's late breakfast. Ravenous after the events of the previous night, he gulped down everything he could reach as fast as he could, fairly shovelling the toast and cereal into his mouth.

"Wow, Moony, you're really _wolfing_ that down!" Sirius interjected, his grin disappearing when Remus glanced up at him, a look of exasperated annoyance on his face. "Sorry, Moony. Touchy subject."

"'S all right," he mumbled around several boiled eggs. "I'm jus' a bit tired, tha's all." He swallowed and noticed, to his slight disappointment, that he had finished all the food. Shifting a few of the plates, he pulled his knees back up to his chest. Resting his chin on them so he could see all of his friends he asked the questions that had been bothering him since he had woken up in the Shrieking Shack in the early hours of this morning.

"So, what happened last night? Do you have any idea why I ran off like that? Did you notice anything in the forest or the grounds that could have made me start hurting myself again?" He looked around the room. "There must have been some cause. I though you said I was calming down a bit, getting better?"

"You were, mate. Last month you seemed fine. You were happy to spend the time exploring with us." Sirius seemed just as puzzled by what had happened as Remus was. James and Peter were both shaking their head as well. They genuinely had no idea. Then, a terrifying idea crashed into Remus's head. Maybe there hadn't been cause. Maybe he had just lost the battle with the wolf's inner nature.

"What if this means that I'm just too dangerous? If I started attacking myself like that, maybe next time it'll be one of you that wakes up in the hospital wing! Or, or...," his voice choked up. "Or worse!" Sinking his face into his hands, he fought off the urge to sob. His transformations had been almost bearable for the past few months. Thanks to his friends' influence, he had stopped injuring himself and he had been able to leave the Shack during the full moon. What if this meant he was too dangerous? He couldn't put other people at risk like that. He would have to survive on his own. "I can't let you come with me next time." His voice came out muffled, his face pressed as it was into his hands. "I'm staying in the Shack. I don't want to put anyone else in danger. If I hurt one of you..." His voice trailed off. He looked up, not knowing quite what response to expect.

"Come off it Moony!" James said, looking at Remus as if he had said something ridiculous. "There's no way we're going to let you sit in that shack all alone and chew yourself to pieces. We're animagi now! Even if you don't want to go out into the grounds, we can still stay with you in the shack!"

"Yeah!" Sirius exclaimed, also giving Remus a '_you're-being-an-idiot-now'_ look. "I thought you were supposed to the smart one Moony! Use that brain of yours! Prongs and I are big enough to keep you in the shack, and I doubt you could hurt us if you tried! We're just too good!" With this he struck a heroic pose, sticking his tongue out at his friend as he did so. Remus had to laugh.

"Don't worry, Remus," Peter squeaked, looking slightly worried, but nonetheless trying to be reassuring. "We won't let you hurt yourself."

"Yeah!" agrees James. "How else are we going to get through next year's exams?"

"We'd be lost without you!" agreed Sirius. Peter nodded, the thought of exams making the worry on his face more pronounced. Remus smiled despite the pain and the lump in his throat. What had he done to deserve friends like these? He swung his legs off of the side of the bed, the pain in his side momentarily forgotten, the lump in his throat disappearing. The light of mischief was once again in his eyes.

"Thanks guys. Though I believe I still owe you some revenge from earlier, Sirius. How about a nice tickling charm?" Sirius's eyes widened. He was extremely ticklish. A mischievous smile spread across Remus's face "Rictumsempra!" Sirius ducked, the jet of light narrowly missing him.

"Missed me!"

"Oh, just you wait!" Sirius scrambled back towards the door to the common room. Remus followed him, laughing, infinitely glad that he had friends like these.

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><p><strong>So, good, bad, indifferent? This is my first proper attempt at fanfiction so I'd appreciate any feedback people may have. <strong>

**Mischief managed!**


End file.
